More EM:ME

So this week Amber's question was:

Share with us how you're feeling about your progress?

Well, first let me say THANK YOU, to my friend, Lynn, and the warm welcome to the group! The last five days have gone pretty good. I have made it to the gym, and with the exception of a Chick-Fil-A trip (where I did get the grilled sandwhich, but couldn't skip the fries), I would give myself an overall B+.

Overall progress? Well, I've avoided this thus far, but inspired by some of the brave ladies who are willing to put visual aides and numbers into their weight loss blogs... I will add some details here, and give the "story" of my progress for you... but mainly for me.

In December of 1997, is the first time I remember stepping on the scale and seeing 200 plus show up and thinking "Wow, that's not good." I was 24. The next several years were riddled with various attempts at Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Slim Fast, Lean Cuisine's, etc., etc... and I probably stayed in between 200 and 210 until I was 28. At 28, I had Gracie. I'd estimate myself from then on to have been closer to 220-ish.

Tessa was born in February of 2005. Two months later, trying to pay off some hospital bills and acquire some extra cash, I take a job at an Italian restaurant (The Villa) as a cashier. This picture was from June of 2005 (and it's a horrible picture). I don't know what I weighed... clearly, a lot... I'd guess close to 230.

One month later, in July of 2005, Trav lost his job. It was the first "thing" that seemed to kick off a string of events causing the remainder of that year to be best characterized as "profoundly stressful," marked with some significant personal heartaches, struggles, disappointment, and continued losses.

Of course, I didn't see it at the time, but as the year progressed, The Villa sort of became my "drug dealer" so to speak. Between the freebies we got, and their generous "employee disount," looking back now, I am nothing short of appalled at the amount of food I was consuming on a REGULAR BASIS while I worked there. There are continued setbacks into 2006.... and it is not a happy new year.

This picture is THE WORST, and I almost cannot believe I'm putting it up here. This is me in February of 2006 holding Tessa as she turns 1. About six weeks later, I am at the doctor's office, and learn I weigh 246 pounds. Somehow, I am shocked.

By May, it really hits me.... I am huge and miserable.

Somewhere in the middle of all that I had been told about or read about the UAMS Clinic. I quit The Villa in May of 2006, thinking this will help. Instead I swap pizza/pasta for more cheeseburgers... and it doesn't help. I begin to give the UAMS idea some thought. I have to do something... I remember feeling very desperate about it, and totally embarrassed that it has come to this.

By June, having no idea how I would actually pay for it, I sign up. I am set to start in the second week of August. In July, I learn I am pregnant, again....

Fast forward to May of 2007. Tanner is 2 months old, and I'm breastfeeding and weigh 210 pounds. Woo Hoo! I am encouraged. I begin to walk some, make an effort at eating better, and think I might be able to pull this off on my own and avoid UAMS altogether.

This is me, and then our family picture, from June of 2007. By the end of that month, I am back up to 220. I sign up for UAMS.

I started UAMS in September of 2007 - I weighed 220 my first day there. I lost 40 pounds (actually 42) ending at 178, which I had not weighed anywhere close to since probably 1996.

So now... fast forward again, this is a family picture from December of last year, 2008. I've maintained what I lost for a year, but have not lost anything else.

And this is me now... still 179.

So.. there is it, progress, in living color. 246 was the biggest number I ever saw on the scale, and since then, 172 has been the lowest, which was earlier in the year around February. I currently weigh 179, and think that 150 is attainable. I hope.

How do I feel? Overall, good. Clearly, 179 is better than 220 (and especially 246). However, I am obviously disappointed that I have come so far, yet am still not finished. I'm so annoyed that I am spending yet another summer for the most part unhappy with how I look.

But... Must. Remain. Postive. And so yesterday in the gym I found myself on the treadmill between two "extremes". To the left I saw where I was, and to the right, where I wanted to be (minus the spandex outfit she had on because it was insanely inappropriate).

"I can't believe I wasted so much time being that person... when I could have been this person all along." Kristin, from the Biggest Loser, Season 7.

Thanks for your encouragement... hope everyone has a great week, and a Happy 4th!